:: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! ::
I love geckos. They are frail and translucent and all in all extraordinary precious little reptiles. Which makes them the perfect cast for this tragic masterpiece:
tanja jenni - 26. Jul, 13:02 TV-ish
TV-ish
Samstag, 26. Juli 2008
Montag, 23. Juni 2008
:: and it goes to … ::
TwoP is in the process of collecting nominations for their annual Tubey awards, honouring the best and worst series this season. This would be mine:
Best New Show: Gossip Girl - I guess that should be filed under 'Guiltiest Pleasure'. It's very relaxing. There is no chance to identify with any of the spoiled private school brats (albeit the undisputable greatness of some of them) which means your heart isn't in it, but you can enjoy the ride. Perfect.
Worst New Show: Big Shots - there are no words to describe the utmost horrifying goulishness of this show. Whiny, rich white men in their midlife crisis stroll around the golfcourse and blabber nonsense. I suffered through one episode only because agent 'first of all my name is not Vaughn' was part of the ensemble (obviously still unable to make rational decisions after Jennifer Garner left him to reproduce with Ben Affleck). And it was painful indeed.
Worst Returning Show: One Tree Hill - Compared to this sleezy teeny-show 90210 had been a subversive, multi-layered and witty masterpiece on the cutting edge of contemporary youth culture.
And if Monk is still on the air: I hate Monk too.
Most Improved Show: Lost
Least Improved Show: Heroes
Best Comedy: 30 Rock
Guiltiest Pleasure: Moonlight - man that was a bad one, but I watched nevertheless. Vampire turned private detective (hi, Angel). In love. With a mortal women. Groundbraking storyline. To add insult to injury it looked like it had been produced 8 years ago. Surprisingly it won the People's Choice Awards. Oh, and it got cancelled.
Most Overrated Show: Pushing Daisies, Ugly Betty - The first one has a surreal, fairy-tale look, affirming in every scene that it is in fact not real which I normally like. But the cute shtick gets old quickly and the kaleidoscope of forced strangeness in oversaturated colours becomes a nuisence. The second one is just plain dull.
Favorite Character:
Sayid (Lost),
Gaius Baltar (Battlestar Galactica),
Jack Donaghy (30 Rock) - alarmingly only men.
Least Favorite Character: Jenny Schechter (The L Word) - easily the most obnoxious person ever put on television.
New Series With The Most Wasted Potential: Reaper - one of the two new shows featuring a looser nerd becoming a reluctant hero (being a bounty hunter for devil and all).
Best Relationship: Liz Lemon & Jack Donaghy (30 Rock)
Best On-screen Pairing:
Joy & Darnell (My Name is Earl),
Locke & Ben (Lost)
Worst On-Screen Pairing: Meredith & McDreamy (Grey's Anatomy) - looking at the polls it seems like Jack & Kate (Lost) are going to win in a landslide. Someone posted "everyone & their sanity" (Battlestar Galactica) - ha!
Most Redemptive Character In An Otherwise Sucky Show:
Bree Van de Kamp-Hodge (Desperate Housewives)
Least Villainous Villain: The Devil (Reaper)
Most Unwelcome New Character: I guess there are some new regular folk with superpowers in Heroes, but I forgot all about them. That's how compelling this season has been.
Most Overhyped Big Name Guest Appearance: Britney Spears (How I Met Your Mother)
Character Most in Need Of Being Killed Off: Jack (Lost) - if only for my sanity, because I really liked him at the beginning and now I'm quite conflicted.
Also: Henry VIII (The Tudors) - but, alas, damn history.
Best Guest Star: Stephen Fry (Bones) - that had been last season, but as Sternfahrerin can undoubtedly confirm, Mr. Fry is genius.
Also: Dawson, eh, James Van der Beek as Robin Sparkles' congenial 90ties pop-ballad duet partner (How I Met Your Mother)
Best Sidekick: Socks (Reaper)
Most Painful Series Cancellation: Veronica Mars. Veronica Mars. Veronica Mars - I don' care that this one is water under the bridge a.k.a. strictly speaking not eligible because it happened last season. I'm still pining.
I have only seen one episode of Aliens in America and it looked like a reasonably intelligent and witty and warm coming-of-age / chauvinism deconstructing comedy, but I lost track. For the rest of the trash I don't shed a single tear. And giving Battlestar Galactica a definite ending was the best thing that could have happened.
Series Most Negatively Affected By The Writer's Strike:
Heroes - utter mess.
Best "Hell Yeah!" Moment: Everytime Captain Jack Harkness kisses one of his boy-toys (Torchwood). Bonus points if it is James Masters he is snogging.
Also: Sun teams up with evil Mr. Widmore to get revenge (Lost)
Best "WTF" Moment: One half of the cylon fleet gets blown up by the other half. (BSG)
Worst "WTF" Moment/Most Ludicrous Plotline: Mr. scientific logic Zach turns out to be the apprentice of a mystic cannibal, whose identity is irrelevant, despite the fact that he was the big bad guy for two seasons. I could have written a better script while doing my laundry. Yes I really do watch Bones. It's the only crime procedural I can tolerate.
Most Painful Retcon: I wish I could contribue, because it's a great category, but I just don't remember this well.
Best Performance By An Inanimate Object: the Vietnam War phone (BSG). All glorious vipers (BSG)
Best Season Finale: Lost, I'm afraid
Worst Use of Music In A Series: One Tree Hill; - the whole series is basically a big, sappy music montage without plot.
Best American Accent By A Non-American Actor: Hugh Laurie (Dr. House) - although I have never seen a full episode. Jamie Bamber (Lee Adama/BSG) emulates not too bad either.
Most Complicated Plotline: Lost - looking into a Lost forum makes you serioulsly doubt your sanity. But BSG is a strong contender. Especially the cylon plotline baffles me to no end. Once again, what is it that they want exactly?
Since I'm out of a regular job as of last Friday: If someone needs a personal TV consultant I'm clearly the right women for that assignment.
tanja jenni - 23. Jun, 11:00 TV-ish
Mittwoch, 9. April 2008
:: of course ::
An age-old tale: If you want to stay pretty, don’t let no big ol’ company buy your sorry fanbased grass-root ass.
As exemplified with shocking clarity here:
old:
(click)
new:
(click)
Oh, Television Without Pity how I loved thee. And then, one day, Bravo TV which is owned by NBC which is owned by General Electrics decided it a wise move to smother a witty and ironic place with a buckload of money. And the founders, probably amazed just how big their little recap-site has gotten, decided to accept said money (as I would have probably done) and buy themselves airy lofts and health insurance. Not a particularly staggering narrative. But I got attached and my heart got broken a tinsy little bit.
As I said in my indignant 50-year-old-Burgtheater-suscription-
holder-appalled-by-those-filthy-“new“-ways-of-directing forum post: The site's strenght was written content. I'm not sure if this is a fact that needs to be camouflaged that heavily.
tanja jenni - 9. Apr, 13:47 TV-ish
Freitag, 7. März 2008
:: disclose ::
Nachdem Aneignungshandlungen via Internet so mühelos funktionieren: 'An Afternoon Comment Division', erdacht von Pajiba, um das emotionale Band zwischen Web-Publikation und LeserInnen zu hegen und zu pflegen, transferiert in eigene Gefilde zur zukünftigen Selbstgestaltung. Heute aber (lethargiebedingt) noch mit Fremdfragen:
1) The movie you are proud to say you’ve never seen?
2) The movie you are embarrassed to say you’ve never seen?
3) The movie you’ve seen but desperately wish you could undo?
1) Proud: Jerry Maguire (Cameron Crowe, 1996) - auch hier wieder ein seltsam unerklärlicher Hass gegen Mr. Cruise, gepaart mit einer um vieles rationaleren Abneigung gegen Sportfilme und kitschige Lebensphilosophie. Ich wünschte, ich hätte in dieser Kategorie Spannenderes zu bieten (Star Wars Episode I, Forrest Gump, Pretty Woman et. al.), aber irgendwann habe ich mich selbst zu cinematographischer Mediokrität verdammt.
2) Embarrased: Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb (Kubrick, 1964) - seit 15 Jahren. seriously.
3) Undo: Mit 2001: A Space Odyssey (Kubrick, 1968) hätte ich vielleicht die oben erwähnten 15 Jahre warten sollen (wie auch mit „Die Leiden des jungen Werther“ - eine Referatsthemenwahl, die vor den Augen einer ungläubigen Deutschlehrerin das worst-case Szenario öffentlicher Peinlichkeit nach sich gezogen hat) aber undo wäre hier vermutlich zu dramatisch. Auch jugendliches Unverständnis hat Potential. Viel passender jedoch folgendes Triumvirat 'romantischer' 'Komödien':
Failure to Launch (2006, Matthew McConaughey, Sarah Jessica Parker): Ma und Pa engagieren Expertin, um längst erwachsenen Sohn aus ihrem habitat zu entfernen. Hilarious.
Raising Helen (2004, Kate Hudson, John Corbett):
Karrierebewusste Mittzwanzigerin erfährt wahren Wert des Lebens (Fortpflanzung) erst nachdem sie unglücklicherweise die Kinder ihrer tragisch zu Tode gekommenen Schwester erbt und sich in Pastor Sexy verliebt. Hilarious.
Runaway Bride (1999, Julia Roberts, Richard Gere): Gere und Roberts, unterwegs ohne Rücksicht auf Verluste, um auch noch jene Pretty Woman Fans, deren Dedikation die Pubertät überstanden hat, eines Besseren zu belehren/in Häagen Dasz Depressionen zu stürzen. Ein quasi-edukatives Unterfangen.
Hollywood, meine RomCom Toleranzschwelle ist beängstigend hoch, das kann doch nicht so schwer sein.
tanja jenni - 7. Mär, 13:28 TV-ish
Donnerstag, 6. März 2008
:: what to watch? ::
If I understand US TV-scheduling correctly it is now midseason, the time when most of the standard fare is on hiatus, the time when the public's response to (crappy) new projects is tested and the time for American Idol to rule it all. To put it simple: The weeks to hit the library. But I need my moving images (preferably in their TV-variety) so that's out of the question.
Lost, which has started late this season, is still on and amazingly managed to produce episodes able to rekindle my very diminshed faith in it. On the other hand it's quite easy to love a show in which the most relatable, sane and competent character earns his living as an Iraqi torture-expert in the Republican Army. 40 minutes covered. Not enough.
The Sarah Connor Chronicles look good (furthermore it's Sci-Fi which makes me per se very lenient and forgiving, unless of course you just want to be a bad parody or your intentions were honourable while your execution suffered) but I have to catch up with the mythology before I start that one. Potentially 40 minutes more covered. Not enough.
So I made up my mind and tried out last seasons Jericho, which got cancelled (wonder how that could have happened) but miraculously reemerged for another year in 2008. It must have been a very disorientated and drunken deity that decided to interfere in this resurrection. Jericho managed to mess up its great premise (small Kansas town deals with the consequences of an atomic strike against 25 North American cities) to a degree I thought not possible. Domestic conspiracy! Nuclear winter! Anarchy! Food shortage! No communication! That should have been wonderful. But the writers (probably funded by North Korea or the French) decided to paint a gripping picture of a rural America inhabited by retarded dimwits not able to do a single sane thing in the aftermath of destruction. Which damned town waits three months until someone decides it could be advisable to mount their (abundant) horses and take a ride into the neighbour village to see if there are lets see ... any news out there whats going on in the world? Not to mention the airfield! with the small planes! right around the corner and the pilot-trained prodigal son who would have been able to fly them? Pfff.
Furthermore they got their science wrong and that's always tricky. Of course the viewers are going to consult the internet and do some research (like I did). The only positive consequence of that show is me now knowing exactly how to deal with fallout, how to build a shelter in my backyard for just US$ 1500 and how to protect my lifestock from radiation (it detoriates 1/10 for every 7 times older it becomes. That is, unless it's a dirty bomb). Yes, there are a lot of crazy survivalists out there. And the FEMA isn't exactly forthcoming with information. So if something happens, send your carrier pigeon to me, but only after the fallout got cleared away, preferably by rain.
Jericho on tudou
Lost (s3+4) on tudou
tanja jenni - 6. Mär, 17:03 TV-ish
Montag, 7. Mai 2007
:: tout en pleurs ::
Some time ago Pajiba – a site I tentatively trust with their movie reviews – has compiled the ten Tearjerkiest Moments of the last 20 Years and since it fits my state of mind I decided to follow in a slightly abbreviated fashion. So here they are: 5 scenes that made me cry like a little baby. The reduction in numbers stems either from the fact that I am a cynic badass who isn't easily moved by Hollywood's magic tools of emotional puppeteering or that I just forget too quickly. Considering the choices I could actually remember, I strongly suspect the second.
Dead Poets Society (Peter Weir), 1989
What can I say, I was 14. And if there is any film concocted to infiltrate the fragile, sentimental minds of 14-year-olds it's this one. It pretends to be deep and meaningful (poetry! dreaded utilitarism! dreams! suicide!) when it is just life-lesson kitsch in poor disguise. But back then I felt so grown up, tears streaming down my cheeks, understanding the power of teaching and the beauty of standing up (see what I did there?) for the things one came to believe in. Furthermore I always had a slightly ambiguous obsession with boarding schools (go Hogwarts!), especially of the 1930-ties/1940-ties kind – the books, the halls, the melancholy – it makes my heart ache. Still.
Captain, my captain, indeed.
Alias 5.01, 2006
I remember when watching this episode I silently started crying, stood up, went into the kitchen, fixed myself a glass of Whiskey, sat down again and resumed sobbing. My former roommate, who I presume had never seen me in an emotional state like this, stared at me in utter disbelieve. And he had every right to do so. Sure, I may have had a *slight* crush on Vaughn but that is absolutely no excuse to loose it when Spy-Barbies half-french hottie-soulmate goes down in a hail of bullets so unreal that it actually might have been a parody. The whole situation is even more embarrassing considering the scene leading to hottie's dead is one of the cheesiest, crappiest pieces of dialogue and acting ever encountered in a big budget TV production. I'm ashamed of myself.
Land and Freedom (Ken Loach), 1995
Not enough that there is a scattered bunch of volutnteers, singing The Internationale during a comrades funeral – they had to interlace it with this young women, going through the belongings of her grandfather who fought and sang – a long time ago. Even though I'm pretty sure that Mr. Loach, eternal optimist he is, would object with this reading, for me a lot of Land and Freedom's sadness derives from its hopelessness. Once there was promise in the air and it got shattered. A lifespan during which all your dreams have been perverted and/or crushed is a dreadful thing. I never dared to talk with my grandparents about that – and I never sung The Internationale at their funerals.
The Constant Gardener (Fernando Meirelles) 2005
With the flood of 'politically aware' Hollywood productions came The Constant Gardener and on the first glance it is just that – a cheap vehicle of the viewers superficial absolution. But for once this film's saving grace is its more than conflicted love story (whereas it tends to be the other way around, myriads of pictures could have managed to obtain a certain level of endurability without the love). Anyway. Yes, there is big business exploiting post-colonial Africa, there are corrupt politicians, but there is also a man investigating the murder of the woman he loved, but barely knew. In the end, sitting on the shore, silently awaiting his own demise, it is the first time he can really be with her – no doubt, no secrets, no suspicions. Bummer she's dead.
Casablanca (Michael Curtiz), 1942
Some scenes solely work for you in a certain stage of life (see Dead Poets Society), some leave you completely cold if you watch them again (see Alias), some are conceivable only in the framework of the whole picture (see The Constant Gardener), but this one – it gets me every time.
I don't particularly care if Ilsa chooses duty over love or how conflicted Bogart managed to look the whole damn 100 minutes, but I care for those people and their little act of defiance.
Dead Poets Society (Peter Weir), 1989
What can I say, I was 14. And if there is any film concocted to infiltrate the fragile, sentimental minds of 14-year-olds it's this one. It pretends to be deep and meaningful (poetry! dreaded utilitarism! dreams! suicide!) when it is just life-lesson kitsch in poor disguise. But back then I felt so grown up, tears streaming down my cheeks, understanding the power of teaching and the beauty of standing up (see what I did there?) for the things one came to believe in. Furthermore I always had a slightly ambiguous obsession with boarding schools (go Hogwarts!), especially of the 1930-ties/1940-ties kind – the books, the halls, the melancholy – it makes my heart ache. Still.
Captain, my captain, indeed.
Alias 5.01, 2006
I remember when watching this episode I silently started crying, stood up, went into the kitchen, fixed myself a glass of Whiskey, sat down again and resumed sobbing. My former roommate, who I presume had never seen me in an emotional state like this, stared at me in utter disbelieve. And he had every right to do so. Sure, I may have had a *slight* crush on Vaughn but that is absolutely no excuse to loose it when Spy-Barbies half-french hottie-soulmate goes down in a hail of bullets so unreal that it actually might have been a parody. The whole situation is even more embarrassing considering the scene leading to hottie's dead is one of the cheesiest, crappiest pieces of dialogue and acting ever encountered in a big budget TV production. I'm ashamed of myself.
Land and Freedom (Ken Loach), 1995
Not enough that there is a scattered bunch of volutnteers, singing The Internationale during a comrades funeral – they had to interlace it with this young women, going through the belongings of her grandfather who fought and sang – a long time ago. Even though I'm pretty sure that Mr. Loach, eternal optimist he is, would object with this reading, for me a lot of Land and Freedom's sadness derives from its hopelessness. Once there was promise in the air and it got shattered. A lifespan during which all your dreams have been perverted and/or crushed is a dreadful thing. I never dared to talk with my grandparents about that – and I never sung The Internationale at their funerals.
The Constant Gardener (Fernando Meirelles) 2005
With the flood of 'politically aware' Hollywood productions came The Constant Gardener and on the first glance it is just that – a cheap vehicle of the viewers superficial absolution. But for once this film's saving grace is its more than conflicted love story (whereas it tends to be the other way around, myriads of pictures could have managed to obtain a certain level of endurability without the love). Anyway. Yes, there is big business exploiting post-colonial Africa, there are corrupt politicians, but there is also a man investigating the murder of the woman he loved, but barely knew. In the end, sitting on the shore, silently awaiting his own demise, it is the first time he can really be with her – no doubt, no secrets, no suspicions. Bummer she's dead.
Casablanca (Michael Curtiz), 1942
Some scenes solely work for you in a certain stage of life (see Dead Poets Society), some leave you completely cold if you watch them again (see Alias), some are conceivable only in the framework of the whole picture (see The Constant Gardener), but this one – it gets me every time.
I don't particularly care if Ilsa chooses duty over love or how conflicted Bogart managed to look the whole damn 100 minutes, but I care for those people and their little act of defiance.
tanja jenni - 7. Mai, 11:05 TV-ish
Freitag, 4. Mai 2007
:: shut up, rory! ::
"Today the CW announced that Gilmore Girls will air its final episode on May 15." (Variety)I'm devastated. Truly I am. Who wouldn't want to follow the ingenious, simultaneous ramblings of a straight A Yale graduate with the complexion of a water nymph, born the year I fell in love with MacGyver, about Paradise Lost, her next town meeting, Oompa Loompas, the british post-punk-movement, Madeleine Albright and her alma mater's breakfast cereal-providing system. Who wouldn't?
Rory's bizarre and artificial microcosm was every liberal Democrats wet dream, where all people were entitled to be different, quirky and strange while navigating through an idyllic small town that looked like a 1940-ties Capra set.
I always considered the occasional shot of Rory 'I'm-so-smart' Gilmore's Noam Chomsky dorm-room-poster very fitting for a series that relied predominantly on the spoken word. And my, how they talked. That should count for something.
Farewell ivy-league creature! I liked your mom.
tanja jenni - 4. Mai, 01:32 TV-ish
Montag, 2. April 2007
:: don't touch my forum ::
Vermutlich meine gerechte Strafe für die online-Konsumption von Reality-TV in seiner nervtötensten, sexistischsten Ausprägung. Das Leben ohne Fernseher ist hart, was kann ich sagen.
youtube-user x (1 week ago): Enchilada or whatever her name is sucks big time. [Die Pro7 Seite klärt auf: der Name ist Enyerlina - ausgesprochen: Angelina. Geboren in der Dominikanischen Republik. Seit 5 Jahren in Deutschland. Harte Recherche.] I am glad she's off the show. Goodbye.
ich (5 days ago): just say she's annoying - no need to be a subliminal racist while doing it. (like the two girls on the show talking about "we're in Germany here, not in the Dominican Republic.")
user x (5 days ago): what is racist about my comment? because i didn't know her name? oh please get over it. i'm rather annoyed by your racist-paranoid comments.
ich - diplomatisch (4 days ago): referring to someone by certain nouns linked to his/her supposed ethnic background seems to me a bit unadvised, but English is not my first language - so I could be wrong. Didn't want to sound so harsh.
user y (2 days ago): I honestly can't remember how to spell her name...but i know its not ENCHILADA...i agree with [mir - Allianzen, eine schöne Sache] and i think you knew very well how racist your comment was...you just don't want to take the blame for it.
user x (2 days ago): you two have certainly never heard of irony, have you. so just shut up or/and grow up. not racism is the problem here but your lack of freedom of expression.
p.s. ich, denkend (1 min ago): Combining your commitment for freedom of expression with a demand to shut up aimed at your discussion-partners. There is a logical flaw somewhere. I have it in my guts. Can you help me find it?
Fazit? Das Forum, DER diskursive Raum um die Welt im Kleinen zu verändern.
youtube-user x (1 week ago): Enchilada or whatever her name is sucks big time. [Die Pro7 Seite klärt auf: der Name ist Enyerlina - ausgesprochen: Angelina. Geboren in der Dominikanischen Republik. Seit 5 Jahren in Deutschland. Harte Recherche.] I am glad she's off the show. Goodbye.
ich (5 days ago): just say she's annoying - no need to be a subliminal racist while doing it. (like the two girls on the show talking about "we're in Germany here, not in the Dominican Republic.")
user x (5 days ago): what is racist about my comment? because i didn't know her name? oh please get over it. i'm rather annoyed by your racist-paranoid comments.
ich - diplomatisch (4 days ago): referring to someone by certain nouns linked to his/her supposed ethnic background seems to me a bit unadvised, but English is not my first language - so I could be wrong. Didn't want to sound so harsh.
user y (2 days ago): I honestly can't remember how to spell her name...but i know its not ENCHILADA...i agree with [mir - Allianzen, eine schöne Sache] and i think you knew very well how racist your comment was...you just don't want to take the blame for it.
user x (2 days ago): you two have certainly never heard of irony, have you. so just shut up or/and grow up. not racism is the problem here but your lack of freedom of expression.
p.s. ich, denkend (1 min ago): Combining your commitment for freedom of expression with a demand to shut up aimed at your discussion-partners. There is a logical flaw somewhere. I have it in my guts. Can you help me find it?
Fazit? Das Forum, DER diskursive Raum um die Welt im Kleinen zu verändern.
tanja jenni - 2. Apr, 18:11 TV-ish
Donnerstag, 29. März 2007
::recapping the tudors pt I ::
The TudorsShowtime, Sun 10.pm
Glorious Rome ended last Sunday. Quite a nice incentive to give the next big historical TV-drama a shot. Its premise didn't look to bad for an anglophile like me. Give me an English accent and my knees go weak (too bad, they turned out to be quite subdued). A time of change (Renaissance! Humanism! Early Capitalism! yeah). And lots of political intrigues (strange life, if this is one of the things you can relate to most easily).
So - here it comes, the recap of the premier in two parts - in English to avoid all the difficulties, which accompany language-switching.
p.s.: The Showtime homepage seems to be only acessible via computers located within the US which leads me to the assumption that they are planning to invade Kazachstan.
0:32 Castle of Urbino. … and the English Ambassador arrives – hectically walking through the corridors – fast-paced West Wing style. Seemingly someone dragged him right from his bed to this rather impromptu summit. He is pissed, more so when a group of hot French soldiers stab him to death. Blood, slowly spilling over the marble floor seems to be state of the art in period dramas these days. At least it's aesthetically pleasing.
2:20 Whitehall Palace. King's council – which means: all the happy folks together. Buckingham, Norfolk, Cardinal Wolsey, Thomas Moore. Henry VIII is agitated since it was his uncle they murdered. Bummer. Aggressive politics from the Frenchmen, who are bullying the pope and should be ruled by an English king in the first place, yadda, yadda. It’s been a long time since the Hundred Year’s War. Maybe it would be wise to let the grudge go. Nevertheless the king screams: all just causes for war. Wolsey - played by Sam Neill - looks tired and unhappy about this unruly child on the throne. Every time I see him, I expect a group of hungry dinociraptors breaking into the scene. That would be a blast.
Anyway: They're all in for asskicking the French - except Wolsey and Moore, who look like they would rather put their energy into developing a tiny, little project to bring these two great Nations together, like for example a broadcasting-station as a beacon of cultural interchange. Nevertheless they chicken out and concur. Shortest war council ever.
5:42 Now that all is settled just fine, the king can go to 'play' – which is exactly what he does if this particular game involves burying ones head between the legs of a naked blonde spread out on a very lovely embroidered mattress. It all looks quite clean and fresh - where is all this plague-infested crop on the floor we were taught about in High School?
7:18 Hampton Court: Wolsey reminds the French Ambassador and his sidekick Bishop Bonnevet that he has always acted in France’s best interests – but leading Henry astray from his war-plans: tricky. The French are trying to act all smooth and poker-faced, playing good cop, bad cop – only to come to the lame conclusion, that – please with sugar-cherry on top – Wolsey should pacify the young lion ...
... who currently plays a tennis double match in his ridiculously short royal knickerbockers. They even have the leisure to hit on Buckingham’s daughter while doing it.
10:01 Catherine of Aragon, who looks slightly older and a ton more intelligent than her husband and said husband have one of those standard royal loveless dinners. She expresses her interest in politics (albeit on behalf of her Spanish relatives) as well as her interest in pleasing Henry in the more romantic field of spousal intercourse. He will have neither of it. Dumbass.
Later at night he obviously has a change of heart and visits Catherine’s chambers after sucking on a passion fruit. Oh, the times before viagra. Naturally she's praying - those Spaniards! – which gives Henry a convenient way out, not before informing his wife’s court lady about his matrimonial intentions while staring into her cleavage.
13:48 Sex with the court lady. Of course. Bless private television for all the nudity.
14:55 Pseudo-medieval show-tournament. At the beginning of the 16th century only a shell of the symbolic display of love, war, hierarchy and general psychosis it once was. Boring. Chivalry is dead. Firearms are not.
17:36 On with the never-ending and slightly tiresome story of Wolsey and the French courting each other. Wolsey offers the outline of a super-new peace treaty. What wants his Eminence in return? Nothing from you, stumpy Ambassador. It is something only the French Bishop can offer. huh? Steamy clergy sex? I’m sure we will know soon enough.
18:34 Tournament. Again. His Majesty's lance crushes Lord Buckingham (foreshadowing much?) to the glee of his also attending daughter. Daughter-father relationships. Never easy.
21:22 River Thames. The king's barque floats through the water. There are a ton of old Henry VIII movies and I've seen my share of them, which makes me exactly the kind of expert to say: NOT the most daring visual style here, folks.
Sir Thomas Moore and his happy family of little scholars await our Highness on the shore. Our Highness wears aunt Petunias sofa-plaid by the way. Maybe he should seek council from his wife and give the minimalist Spanish black court-attire a try.
Thomas - self-righteous, non-ambitious and pious men he is - doesn't like the filthy court. Furthermore - as a Humanist - he has an abhorrence of war and informs Henry so. Thomas prefers spending huge amounts of money for the welfare of the people. Poor chap, born 420 years too early for an office in a social democratic post-war government. Morus, little advice: stay in your idyllic hideaway and keep on writing about strange islands. Otherwise IT WON'T END WELL FOR YOU.
23:42 Boorish Lord Buckingham roams the halls and tells everybody who listens, that it is he, in fact, who is the legitimate heir to the throne as a direct descendant of Edward II. Delusional if he thinks that's anyway near good plotting.
24:43 Sex again. High time, as it has been nearly 8 minutes since the last bare ass. Buckingham’s daughter frolics with one of Henry’s men. Papa is not amused. His naughty daughter is - until he nearly breaks her nose. Too late for family therapy?
25:05 Dark-wooden den of Wolsey. Eminence looks weary. Lady Blount, who happens to be the Queen's court-lady the King bangs occasionally is here to inform Wolsey about her being with his Majesty's child. Now Eminence looks positively sick. Somehow I think he wishes he had taken over his father’s butchery instead of becoming the guy who does all the dirty work for this pretty-faced but stupid king. And to add insult to injury - all that without a good cup of coffee to keep one’s calm.
27:48 Eminence travels very picturesquely on donkey-back. Isn't that a bit much? Furthermore he sniffs a pretty herb-ornated orange to avoid the stench of all the unwashed commoners surrounding him. Classy. But I'm sure our savior did the exact same thing while entering Jerusalem. I hope Eminence gets his throat cut in the midst of a peasant upheaval. But we all know that this won't be the case.
29:10 Whitehall Palace. A very ragged-looking lower-class boy lingering the halls redeems himself by carrying an introduction by the Dean of Canterbury Cathedral. Apparently he can sing and compose. He is unsurprisingly named Thomas, which makes him the 4th Thomas on this show. Uninventive folk, those English people. What's wrong with Kevin? Anyway. Can't wait how THIS subplot turns out. snore.
We're halfway through the premier and which better point to stop than at this pinnacle of excitement.
What's going to happen next? Will Henry divorce his wife, found a new religion and stir up the continent? Who knows. Oh, suspense your name is period drama.
tanja jenni - 29. Mär, 18:07 TV-ish
Dienstag, 27. März 2007
:: winnie ::
Oh, Winnie. Wir haben nichts anderes von dir erwartet.
Und was Kevin betrifft, gehe ich davon aus, dass er unterstützt von zwei Dobermännern, seinen grenzdebilen Freunden und Higgins ein ausgefülltes Erwachsenenleben in Hawaii verbringt. Synchronstimmen-bedingte Unterscheidungsleistungen funktionieren eben nicht immer.
tanja jenni - 27. Mär, 12:42 TV-ish
